Well, I guess there’s no point being all sensitive and secretive about it anymore. Things are not going well at home. I’m not living there at the moment. This past week has been rough. I guess it’s time like these you learn to appreciate what you’ve got. I know I have. And I actually think the things I’ve learned are things we all learn (or at least should learn) during our lifetime. We all go through these things. One way or the other.
So what exactly is it that I have learned?
I have learned the value of good friends. There’s been so many supportive and friendly gestures, countless hugs and pep-talks, tears and laughter. I know there’s no way I could have made it through these past days without the help of the amazing friends I don’t know how I earned. Thank you so much. I know I’m real bad at telling you this, but you mean the world to me. I know this is as cliché as it could possibly get, but I’m having a hard time finding words that are not. You truly are amazing.
I have learned the value of having a remarkable father. Just like my friends he’s been there all along, but in a different way I guess. I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. My father is more important to me than anything else in the world. He is always there when I need him, and he can stay up all night talking if he sees it necessary. Or if that’s not going to help, there’s always the chance a fresh cup of coffee and a horror movie will.
I have learned the value of crying. Some feelings need to be flushed out to prevent a build up of depression and paranoid thoughts. I used to think crying was a sign of weakness. I now know that not crying will make you weak.
I have learned the value of music. Because being sad not always is enough to make you cry. And there are times you just need to hear someone else scream.
I have learned the value of talking about it. It is painfull, it seems pointless and at first you feel stupid and a nuisance. Some might even tell you that is exactly what you are… But it actually works. If you don’t talk about it you think about it. And it’s when you think about it that it gets worse. Again, this is why true friends matters. True friends stay by your side and listen to you complains and ramblings – ’cause they probably know how much of a difference it can make.
I have learned the value of taking a break from it all. If pitch black thoughts clutter up your mind, it will tear down everything inside, and it will all seem meaningless and confusing. And there are times when all the crying, screaming and complaining in the world won’t make them go away. You can only give yourself a break from it all by shoving them aside and replacing them by occupying your mind with something else.
I’m sorry if this entry seems a bit depressing, but my writing tends to reflect how I feel, and right now I don’t feel too good…